Tiny Adoption Update first- We got our receipt letter yesterday from USCIS letting us know they received our paperwork. Next we are waiting for our fingerprinting appointments, and then USCIS approval. Every little step helps :)
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On to the post...There are days behind me, and many in front of me along this adoption journey where it is just hard to put into words how I feel. When I have been pregnant with my other 2 daughters I was a roller coaster of emotions, from crying to laughing, worrying to hoping, dreaming to waiting, gagging to hungry..oops that wasn't an emotion. Well expecting my 3rd daughter hasn't felt less emotional, just like I have less hormones to blame it on, ha. I know I have said this but in so many ways I feel pregnant. Yesterday I got to help host a baby shower for a dear friend. Most of the other hostesses were pregnant and as we took a group picture everyone in the room was talking about all the bellies and mamas-to-be. I had to laugh to myself and remind myself I do not have a belly showing the world that I am expecting a baby this time. Oh how different that is.
Today is one of those days I cannot quite seem to explain how I feel. Today is Mother's Day. I loved being woken up by Bitty and her precious homemade neon pink poster. Loved when Boo tickled me and rolled around wild in my bed, nearly spilling my coffee like every other morning. I love being my daughter's mama.I loved being loved well by my husband, and having time to myself to relax today why he took care of the girls. Today was filled with joy and fun as we celebrated our mother's, went to church, got to hold a friend's new baby, it was a special day.
But if I'm completely honest, today held an ache as well. An ache to hold my 3rd daughter. Just that feeling of 'someone's missing'. She has made a place in my heart, and on days like today that void seems magnified. Also, I had an ache and a love for Pearl's birth mother. To be able to look into her eyes and know her. To know that she is safe and taken care of, to wrap my arms around her and weep with her for her daughter. To thank her. To tell her how much Pearl is loved and will be adored and cared for. To tell her that today I celebrated her in my heart, that every year we will celebrate her in our hearts and our homes.
At church God gently reminded me of His nature, that he is worthy of my trust, that he understands....that all these thoughts, that were too much for me to carry I could give to Him. He brought me back to this word...expectant. I am expecting a baby. Today the emotions were too much. So I am choosing to be expectant also of a God who is mighty to save.I am praying and expecting Him to answer! I am expectant for JOY! I am expectant of healing for a land of birth mothers who are giving up their babies in love, expectant for favor in the processes of all adoptions all over the world, expectant for fast placement of babies in their forever homes, for restoration! I am expectant in the promise God has given us of our Pearl, our open gates of Heaven.
So if Mother's Day is bittersweet for you...Maybe you have lost a child, or a mother...maybe you're longing for a baby in your womb, for a baby in your arms...Maybe you're believing for restoration of a relationship with a mother or child..whatever it is... I'm praying that you would join me in being expectant. Be expectant of a God who will answer when you call. He who promises is faithful.
I saw this picture and it was a fun reminder to my and my other friends adopting from Africa, that we are very much expecting :)
Now watch out, I just may get enough nerve to start using the expectant mother's parking space at Publix!
