Homestudy...almost done!

Where I've been, well thats all over the place, yet somehow focused, steady and secure. Our homestudy is nearly complete and we have had hours of beautiful, searching converstations with each other, with God and with our social worker about our adoption and About our love and surness (thats probably not a word, but while I'm here I'm just going to pause and say if you do not love run-on sentences, un-needed commas/adjectives, etc then you should probably stop reading my blog now :) - my heart is be transparent and overflowing in His goodness and my heart, thus perfect grammar and actual non-made up words may just not suffice for some posts.) See, I told you like run-on sentences?  Anyways, back on track.  My absence in blogging has been simply my presence in our home study. The hours spent writing our autobipgraphies and in meetings and discussions examing our family structure, history, beliefs and desires have been so well spent. We are more sure than ever of our daughter waiting for us, in His perfect time, in Africa. We've had the priviledge of really surveying the years we each spent under the roofs of our parents, and been able to see what strengths and joys we have brought from those homes into our owns. In the busy season of stewarding young children I feel grateful to have had the oppurtunity to see our parents in a whole new light. To appreciate the hours they spent as we saw it, carpooling, cooking, cleaning, listenting, teaching, traveling, cheering, laughing, praying, deciding, leading...all the many, many hours they invested in us, we now see each task less literal, and more for what their heart was in each measure of love for us. In each season the way they provided for us, patiently stewarding us, they were watching and waiting to see the people emerge as who God destined them to be. They were speaking our identity into us and preparing us for the destinies God had planned. I have been overwhelmed with gratitude for Rainer's parents and sisters, for their understanding and expectation of the man they always new he would be. And as I now sit here seeing first hand the work God has done in him, making him the person  that has surpassed all of our dreams and notions of the man he would become. My heart is full.  The process thus far has also been such a confirmation of our heart for our daughter and for adoption as a whole. My heart is growing, and expanding in ways I never knew possible. A blog I read recently talked of the love an adoptive mother has for her child and specifcally the love that preceeds sight. That love that keeps you moving towards your precious child. A child that is changing your life, your family and your world before you've touched her fingers. This baby is changing my heart and my eyes to view this world in trully heavenly ways.  To our sweet baby, we love you. Lately I've honestly felt crazy for you, like the change in season to spring everyone is longing for, I'm seeing hints of blossoms and feeling fresh warm breeze and a hint of what is to come, and I'm thinking of you. Thinking of all the unexpressible feelings of joy and longing for you I experience. I am rejoicing in hearing your sisters laughter in our home, knowing that your laugh will multiply our joy. Knowing that a hint of a change in season brings hope and renewal, with a tinge of longing. Your life will be a forever breath of fresh air and sign of hope and renewal to our family. You are not even here yet, but your presence in our hearts is sprouting beautiful blossoms. We are growing, we are loving you, we are running as fast as we can to scoop you up and trusting in God's perfect timing.