Trading Faith for Love

We have just heard from our agency that there is no movement again this month. Not that there are no babies that need homes, just no movement in matching these babies with the homes that long for them.

When we began this journey, and still now I hear different forms of the same, “Oh wow, that takes a lot of Faith!” Or, “You must have a lot of faith”…. And honestly I always thought I did. Not in a prideful way, but in an ‘I really trust my heavenly Father way”.  I’ve been ‘faith-ing’ my way through this journey, and ‘keeping the faith’ day after day. That was until recently, when it felt like quite honestly I ran out of faith.

 So I’m coming clean because the truth is I just don’t have enough faith to keep longing for this baby when it feels like she’ll never be home….When my fear feels like a swirling storm, when all it seems like I see are waves, when the wind is louder than His gentle voice. “Keeping the faith” works until it doesn't, until you run out.

Then something interesting happened...God gently reminded me that Fear is not a faith issue. Only Perfect love casts out fear…So, fear is a love issue. No wonder I was feeling so discouraged trying to beat Fear with Faith. I was missing love.

When we know him, when we are loved our faith is the extension of that. Faith is love in action. If/when I run out of faith, I can choose to return to love, His love that grows exponentially. So because His love is enough, I receive until I’m full, and all the faith I thought I needed to muster up, well it’s there wrapped up in love.

 I felt so guilty for running out of faith, and was so relieved to find that his endless supply of love would take care of all the faith I thought I had to prove I had. Which led me to realize I had really misunderstood what having faith looked like in a situation like this. I went back to my original perception of faith. What faith looked like to me was like Peter walking on the water. Basically what I thought happened is that Jesus called Peter out on the water so that Peter could prove his Faith to Jesus. A real ‘lets see what your made of’ kinda challenge. Then when Peter lost faith and started to sink Jesus just pointed out how little faith He had in the first place. I’ve said before that I try to filter my thoughts/Theology though “Does that sound like the truth of a Loving Father/Savior? A Father/Savior who literally paid it all for my healing, my freedom, my wholeness?” Hmmmm, in this case the whole ‘proving the faith that He knew you didn’t have enough of in the first place’ didn’t sound like my kind and loving Savior or Father, so I pulled out my bible and decided to read what really happened.

 From Matthew 14:24-32 as I read it, God really spoke to me.

 24 but the boat was already a considerable distance from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it
They were against the odds, in a fearful place, a storm, in the midst of waves and against the wind.
 25 During the fourth watch of the night Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake
 He speaks to us even in the timing of when He came out to them, while the wind was against them, and in the “fourth watch” of the night, which I’ve been told was the darkest of the night before the light breaks forth. - In their fear he walked out to them. When they felt alone, when the storm was all they saw, the wind was all they felt/knew He came for them. 
 26 When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost, “ they said, and cried out in fear.
They misunderstood His intention, and fear confused them 
 27 But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”
Notice here he said, “Take courage”, if you tell someone to take something it is because it has been made available for them. A price has already been paid by someone else if you are to take it. You can’t earn or work for something someone tells you to freely take. Courage is ours to take, not something we need to muster up. 
28 “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water”
Jesus did not need Peter to walk out to prove anything to Him.  I had missed the whole point! He was calling him out to be with him. The boat couldn’t hold all that He had for Peter, the realms of possibility, of destiny, the weight of his love. On the water was a place to find Him while being found, a place to walk in relationship, with a hand to guide, as he needed him. He had Peter step out that He may know it was him. He called them out of their boat, their fear into relationship, out to know him. To step towards Him and walk on water with him in glory, in safety, in destiny. - Fear keeps us in the boat. Turns out, It was never about us showing him or proving to him our faith- it was about knowing Him, about a relationship with Him. 
 29 “Come,” he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus.
30 But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”
 31 Immediately Jesus reached our his hand and caught him, “You of little faith, why did you doubt me?”
I love that it says Immediately, He didn’t hesitate to come to Peter’s rescue. -And I now hear him saying “do you not know how loved you are, why did you doubt that my hand would catch you”?
32 And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down.
He joined them where they were, in the boat, in their circumstance, in their fear, and as He climbed in the wind died down. He is walking out towards us, he calls us out into relationship, into trusting Him that we may be loved and then that love produces faith, Trust is out of relationship, Love produces faith.  Then He goes beyond that and climbs in the boat with us. 

I love the patient way God teaches us...You see this wasn’t the first time He was in the boat with them, or the first time He calmed the waves….  A few chapters back, in Matthew 8 a great storm came upon the disciples and Jesus, as Jesus was resting in the boat, unaware of the storm, the disciples cried out for help. Jesus rebuked the storm and calmed the waves. That time He was in the boat with Him the whole time, sleeping, resting safe and secure oblivious of the storm. But because they cried He took action on their behalf to calm the storm. I believe Him sleeping was showing us what faith, what being loved, can look like in the midst of the storm. But in his grace, He’ll even rebuke the waves. The disciples boat was their circumstance, where they were. So later in Matthew 14 we see Jesus approach faith, loving them differently. First (Matthew 8) he was with them amidst the storm, next (Matthew 14) he came out to them, to their boat right to their circumstance. Either way the focus becomes on Jesus being with them, in relationship, loving them, and not on the storm, and the storm calms.

Faith is love in action. It’s knowing and being in relationship with God to the point of trusting Him. It is saying because you love me, I’ll believe you.  Keeping my eyes above the waves is only about keeping my eyes fixed on the author and finisher of my faith. Looking through fear to His eyes and His love.

 I am longing for my daughter, so I’m going to let myself off the hook of trying to get there by faith, and I am going to get there by His love. What are you waiting for, or trying to faith your to/through? Let’s look to love and let our selves off the hook here. In His grace He gives love in proportion to our need. For the faith I need, He gives Love in an excessive manner. And in me being loved, and being found in his presence my Faith grows.

My faith is found in being loved by Him. So I’m trading faith for love and choosing to trust God’s plans for me, and for our Pearl. I’m getting out of my boat of fear and walking towards all Jesus has for me.

After all, This journey to her, this whole journey of life,  isn’t a trial of how much faith we have; it’s a love story.

Now listen to this song, it blessed me so!

p.s. its only taken me 3 months to look into this, but the biblical meaning of the #16, (our waiting list number since November),  is LOVE.  He is a funny one, that God.